Breathing out makes the sparkly annoying tingly stuff run down my legs. It taunts the tips of my toes to loose whatever amount of heat is still left there to go poof. Curling them even makes it worse, and drawing a quick breath just made the s.a.t.s (sparkly annoying tingly stuff) run from the center of my spine and around my ribs. This is deeply disturbing.
Staring off into the computer screen doesn't help either. Its an awful distraction which lasts only for half a second. Damn this chest feels so heavy, wonder why holding my breath feels a lot more comfortable than breathing? wish someone could tell me... oh but the words echo in my head. "oh yeah.. we already know the reason why.". Secondly, playing dumb is a slightly better distraction coz it allows for hmm.. at least half an hour of playing dumb time.
I close my sleep-deprived eyes, anticipating the coming of sleepiness to befall me. Need to have suggestions for diversionary tactics to keep my mind away from the issues of the heart. Then comes the realization of what's really up my butt to get me this way.
Thus.. i couldn't help but spill my guts to the nearest guy around. good thing he's a great listener who gives revised versions of advice given by my sister earlier last week. Such an awesome guy, thanks for helping me cry a bit and get some tension of my ahemm.. currently puffy bloodshot eyes. He jokingly teases about licking the side of a shot glass and magically getting drunk off of a few drops of vodka. big haha with a side order of tear streaks.
You wipe them away gently and kisses my cheek with your rough unshaved face, it left an itchy patch on my left cheek but thank u very much anyway. I'll let your silly shallow jokes work on me this time, to not let the effort of cheering me up be wasted.
Learning about the petty reason why im all gushy and moody at this moment, he laughed a bit and patted my head. Should it be a comforting comment when you said the very pre-school line "i get upset when you're upset."? And i hide underneath my oversize night shirt, hiding my gushing eyes and immaturely pouting my lips out of embarrassment. Now i have to suck up my childishness and apologize to him properly, donning my fake "im ok" smile so he wouldn't have to worry anymore.
This makes me want to see what people would look like if everybody were a cartoon. No single soul could ever make a fake face because we'd immediately show who and how we are. Its kind of a broad thought, a bit complicated to elaborate on as of this moment.
Still, what is the meaning of this lingering heavy type of cloud inside my ribs? Do i wish to get completely broken off and thrown away? or idly stand by under the hot sun and the cold night and wait for the rain clouds of happiness to shower me with momentary grace? i'm probably just playing dumb again... like sitting still in a stationary roundabout, waiting for something to happen... stalling to find out what comes after this.
sigh* there it is.. the ever eluding sleepiness. So forcefully holding back waterworks but having some seep out actually exhausts the fragile lobes placed on sockets in our heads to the point where it wants to be closed and rested.
the next frontier lies in the realm of mixed imagination, unnecessary thoughts, hidden emoticons, and random electrical nerve twitches... wish me luck! and hopefully i don't wake up drowning in a mixture of drool, tears and snot. i hate waking up all wet and icky.
sore wa... oyasumi deshita..
sayonara.
~meow~ Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 11:15am
Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 10:23am
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