She had this awful feeling lingering in the depths of her being... trying to identify it was unnecessary since she's known it far too well, She'd lived with it for as long as she can remember. This is the first time that she's been really alone and by myself for the last 5 years, and here is where she found herself back at that place with the air of dread and angst just looming over. It's the familiarity of space which is certainly a tad surprising and yet comforting in a bad way... thoughts of past mistakes and naivety that comes with youth just seem to tug at her consciousness, teasing endlessly and poking inside her head saying "hey... you can't forget us.." snickering... a better-forgotten memory just nagging at her throat, saying how stupid.. stupid.. stupid.. its futile trying to forget... you can't undo history, live with it... remember it everyday.. don't deal with it, its all you should do.
So its stuck there, brooding... not making one single move. It covers itself and paints the face with shallow giggles and forced smiles, calculated remarks and expected replies. That niceness that covers the tongue like bitter candy you can't swallow nor spit out. That force of madness shaking the very core of sanity, pushing and pulling at the straws of her body... making her heart quiver in fear, flowing down to her toes making it ice cold, and fingers tremble while her throat chokes. It all flows out her eyes and dries up her mind.
She sighs out a long drawn breath, like its her last... wishing it was her last... trying to calm the quivering of her thighs. "You can't shake this off..." her consciousness whispers, "This suffering is inevitable..." her lips utter silently in the reflection. She holds herself down, sitting, grasping at her knees and resting her confused head in between them. How long can you put up with this? How much longer can you just sit there? She exists amongst the rest of them but she doesn't live. Her real consciousness would remain stagnant. It festers beneath that sweet facade of her dream-like everyday monotony... to be left out of what was supposed to be.
Her eyes ache while she tries to keep them closed. A dull pain sweeping over her skin, the sensation of her nerves rebelling against her mind's will. That coldness burns inside her gut... pinching and prickling. She braces herself tightly, moaning in agony...
mje
Friday, July 17, 2009 at 9:53am
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