There is something about holidays and special days that bug me. Days which are supposed to be celebrated and are happy about seem to hold a sore spot when i think about it. Although i do enjoy attending other people's birthdays, i tend to become gloomy whenever holidays like Christmas, New Years, and my birthday comes around. Its like a time where i end up forcibly trying to make happy memories when all i remember are sad ones.
Its just like looking at photo albums and thinking back to when those snapshots of our past was taken. And i annoy myself whenever i become so melodramatic about blah and blah. I loose myself in the points that i try to make. Trying to string together the right words is already challenging enough.
So for the past week, I've been racking my brain for ideas of what to do to celebrate... activities, or places to go to... which dishes i would prepare or just pick out a restaurant to eat at. It almost end up drawing a blank, like not wanting to do anything, not prepare anything. A stalling mechanism, wishing to put off an unwelcome day. 'Coz on this day, i get to think back on all other past birthdays...
The idea of simply being happy to be alive for one more year and thanking God that we're all alive and healthy kind of looses its point with me. Does that make me an ungrateful person? right now im thinking of a church that i've never been to. over the years, its kind of been the highlight of a birthday... getting to visit a church and making a wish. Wishing i knew what to wish for, specific things that are achievable. Perhaps just hoping to have enough courage to keep holding on the thought of getting through what tomorrow will bring.
But it comes down to 24 hours which is supposedly mine... but its just like any other day of the year, except its supposed to mean something. Another year will start for me, wonder if im really a year wiser? hopefully its not a year dumber. haha!
écrire~ Wednesday, May 13, 2009 at 10:58am
No comments:
Post a Comment